I have a confession: When I am reading a book, I have a tendency to skip details and jump right to the dialogue. It was not until recently that I realized I do this, but in the last few months, I have caught my eyes on several occasions hopping over descriptive paragraphs in order to reach the inter-character conversation more quickly.
I don't know what this reveals about my inner-psyche. I'm sure I could conduct some sort of psychoanalysis to find out what this tendency of mine signifies. I haven't figured that out yet, but what I have begun to realize, is that I'm missing out! The last few books I have read have made me realize that by skipping the details (consciously or subconsciously), I am not only neglecting to experience the book as the author intended, but I am really doing myself a disservice as I fail to fully connect to and imagine the characters and scenic details. There is so much more to me than the words others hear me say, and there is so much more to the characters in the books I read than I can learn from their thoughts and words. Details and descriptions are there for a reason. What's more, I am missing out on the beauty of words that is so often present in the descriptions authors so carefully craft.
Take for example, this excerpt from a book I have been reading this week called Shooting Kabul by N.H. Senzai (thanks Jennifer for the recommendation!):
Fadi felt like a hairy single-celled paramecium, immobilized under a microscope, squashed between two plates of glass. He wished he could fly right out the window, but he couldn't. Trapped, he sat in a slippery vinyl chair under Principal Hornstein's probing gaze (p. 195).
I had been reading furiously, trying to find out what was going to happen to the main character and his family, when I came to this description. I stopped. I reread it. And I smiled.
I just love the way Senzai has perfectly captured how Fadi felt in that moment as he sat in the principal's office. Honestly, at first, I thought to myself, "a 'hairy single-celled paramecium'? Who describes someone like that?" but as I re-read the words, I fell in love with them. This description is just wonderful!
These are the types of depictions I fail to see and treasure when I skim through books, focusing too heavily on the dialogue. In every other facet of my life, I am about as detail-oriented as one can get, so I'm not sure why it has taken me so long to apply that aspect of my personality to my reading. But that's all in the past. Today, I am vowing to stop skipping... and start savoring...the details.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Monday, March 17, 2014
Flashback
January 12, 2012
As our boat slowly made its way back to Tonsai Pier, we breathed in the fresh air, admiring the breathtaking limestone cliffs and the jade-colored ocean waters that surrounded us. It was day 6 of our long-anticipated "Trip of a Lifetime," and we were relishing the beauty of Ko Phi Phi, Thailand. On our snorkeling tour that day, we swam and kayaked among a myriad of brightly-colored aquatic creatures in the crystal-clear Thai waters.
In less than a week, we would be required to tell our boss definitively if we would commit to teach in Beijing for yet another school year. It was a decision we had discussed, analyzed, prayed about, and toiled over for months. Should we return to the U.S. to pursue graduate studies, or should we stay in Beijing to teach students we loved in a place we had considered "home" for the last 3 years?
We huddled closely to keep warm as the sun set and the air cooled around us. As we did, M (my husband) looked at me seriously and announced that he was "ready to take the plunge" by telling our boss that we would be leaving Beijing at the end of this school year. For several months, we had been pretty certain that this would be our decision, but the gravity of it struck us as our boat continued its journey back to the pier.
Returning to the U.S. meant leaving a land and people we had come to love. It meant abandoning security and the place we had called "home" for our entire married life. It meant willingly entering a lifestyle vastly different than the one we had be living, and a significant drop in the amount of time we could spend together. It meant subjecting ourselves to what would inevitably be an intense 2 years.
Something in that moment made us cherish our time together on that boat. We were 1/3 of the way through our "Trip of a Lifetime," and we recognized that when we returned to Beijing after day 21, our life would begin a journey down a very different course. It was the beginning of the end of "The China Season" of our life.
Feeling emotions of both sadness and anticipation mingle in our hearts, we decided that at the end of the next phase ("The Grad School Season"), we would go on another "Trip of a Lifetime." We committed to saving our pennies (and our airline miles) and excitedly began to dream about the places we could visit. Trip of a Lifetime #1 took us to Thailand, Malaysia, and Singapore. Where would Trip of a Lifetime #2 bring us? Part of me wondered if this "Trip of a Lifetime #2" would ever truly become a reality, or if it was just a way to make us stop thinking about the massive life changes that awaited us upon the conclusion of this wonderful adventure. Either way, it was a welcomed distraction.
March 16, 2014
Our dream is becoming a reality! The trip that began as a dream on a small snorkeling boat more than two years ago is starting to become a reality. Piece by piece, it is coming to fruition! Our plane tickets have been "purchased" (with miles) and our itinerary is almost finalized. We have poured over hundreds of pages of travel guides and have found lodging we can "pay for" (with points) for 15 of the 18 nights we will spend on our second Trip of a Lifetime. The "countdown clock" has been set: 83 days until we officially declare an end to The Grad School Season of life and embark on our Trip of a Lifetime 2.0.
A midst my excitement, questions linger in my mind. What will we name the next season of life? What landmark events will characterize this upcoming stage? And will we one day embark on a Trip of a Lifetime 3.0?
As our boat slowly made its way back to Tonsai Pier, we breathed in the fresh air, admiring the breathtaking limestone cliffs and the jade-colored ocean waters that surrounded us. It was day 6 of our long-anticipated "Trip of a Lifetime," and we were relishing the beauty of Ko Phi Phi, Thailand. On our snorkeling tour that day, we swam and kayaked among a myriad of brightly-colored aquatic creatures in the crystal-clear Thai waters.
In less than a week, we would be required to tell our boss definitively if we would commit to teach in Beijing for yet another school year. It was a decision we had discussed, analyzed, prayed about, and toiled over for months. Should we return to the U.S. to pursue graduate studies, or should we stay in Beijing to teach students we loved in a place we had considered "home" for the last 3 years?
We huddled closely to keep warm as the sun set and the air cooled around us. As we did, M (my husband) looked at me seriously and announced that he was "ready to take the plunge" by telling our boss that we would be leaving Beijing at the end of this school year. For several months, we had been pretty certain that this would be our decision, but the gravity of it struck us as our boat continued its journey back to the pier.
Returning to the U.S. meant leaving a land and people we had come to love. It meant abandoning security and the place we had called "home" for our entire married life. It meant willingly entering a lifestyle vastly different than the one we had be living, and a significant drop in the amount of time we could spend together. It meant subjecting ourselves to what would inevitably be an intense 2 years.
Something in that moment made us cherish our time together on that boat. We were 1/3 of the way through our "Trip of a Lifetime," and we recognized that when we returned to Beijing after day 21, our life would begin a journey down a very different course. It was the beginning of the end of "The China Season" of our life.
Feeling emotions of both sadness and anticipation mingle in our hearts, we decided that at the end of the next phase ("The Grad School Season"), we would go on another "Trip of a Lifetime." We committed to saving our pennies (and our airline miles) and excitedly began to dream about the places we could visit. Trip of a Lifetime #1 took us to Thailand, Malaysia, and Singapore. Where would Trip of a Lifetime #2 bring us? Part of me wondered if this "Trip of a Lifetime #2" would ever truly become a reality, or if it was just a way to make us stop thinking about the massive life changes that awaited us upon the conclusion of this wonderful adventure. Either way, it was a welcomed distraction.
March 16, 2014
Our dream is becoming a reality! The trip that began as a dream on a small snorkeling boat more than two years ago is starting to become a reality. Piece by piece, it is coming to fruition! Our plane tickets have been "purchased" (with miles) and our itinerary is almost finalized. We have poured over hundreds of pages of travel guides and have found lodging we can "pay for" (with points) for 15 of the 18 nights we will spend on our second Trip of a Lifetime. The "countdown clock" has been set: 83 days until we officially declare an end to The Grad School Season of life and embark on our Trip of a Lifetime 2.0.
A midst my excitement, questions linger in my mind. What will we name the next season of life? What landmark events will characterize this upcoming stage? And will we one day embark on a Trip of a Lifetime 3.0?
Sunday, March 16, 2014
SOL So Far
It is March 16th, which means that I have completed 15 of the 31 blog posts in my first-ever Slice of Life Challenge. Today, I'm taking a moment to ponder my feelings about accepting this challenge.
There are days when I love blogging. These are the days when I feel connected to a world of other writers whose words encourage and inspire me. These are days when the words just flow and my only problem is that I can't move my fingers across the keyboard fast enough to keep up with the thoughts pouring out of my brain. These are the days when I realize that I've been "thinking like a writer" and seeing details in life I would have missed only 16 days ago.
But to be honest, there are some days when I don't love it. There are days when I give up on the idea of ideas pouring out of my head and just pray for a trickle...something...anything. There are days when I spend thirty or forty minutes writing, only to re-read what I wrote and then delete it all, discouraged by the blank screen staring back at me.
After contemplating my love-hate relationship with blogging, I have come to this conclusion:
That first set of days is wonderful. They are the days when I have the most warm-fuzzy writer feelings. But, I believe that perhaps the second set of days--the ones others might call "bad"--are the ones that keep me coming back. The days when it is hard remind me of the reason I accepted this challenge in the first place. When I struggle to improve my own writing craft in my native language, I am reminded of the difficulties my past and future students (will) face as they write in a second language. When I discover ways to improve my own writing, I think of future opportunities I will have to share these discoveries with students. When I fear that people will think my writing is sub-par, I think of those kids who have certainly felt similarly. And so, I'm glad that I accepted the SOL Challenge 16 days ago! It is most certainly a challenge, but it is a rewarding one.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
A "No List Saturday"
Last night, as I closed my eyes to go to sleep, I sighed. And then I did it again. They weren't exhalations of exhaustion, like the one that often escape my lips. These were were sighs of relief, of satisfaction, and of accomplishment. The week had been a long one and on Friday night when I closed my eyes, I finally breathed out the last of my pent up stress and inhaled the hopeful promises of a restful Saturday.
This morning, I woke up to the sound of nothing. No screaming alarm clock. No immediate thoughts rushing through my brain of all the things I had to do today and all the tasks I didn't finish yesterday. Just peace. And then suddenly...a novel thought..."What am I going to do today?" I don't remember the last time I asked myself that question. Even on Saturdays, I usually wake up to a list that is so long it would take superhuman powers to actually accomplish everything on it in a mere 24 hours. But on this beautiful, sunny, Saturday morning, there is no list waiting to be tackled.
Just the thought of a "No List Saturday" put a pep in my step as I strolled to the kitchen to make some breakfast. "Today is going to be wonderful," I thought to myself, as I began to think of the many activities I could fill my day with. I even popped an extra gummy vitamin into my mouth in the midst of my glee. After all, if it's fun to start each day with something that is "officially" healthy, but secretly just feels like candy, it's even better to begin a Saturday with more!
So now, I'm excited, I'm full of anticipation, I'm at 200% of my recommended daily vitamin intake, and I am so ready to commence my day.
Sigh.
This morning, I woke up to the sound of nothing. No screaming alarm clock. No immediate thoughts rushing through my brain of all the things I had to do today and all the tasks I didn't finish yesterday. Just peace. And then suddenly...a novel thought..."What am I going to do today?" I don't remember the last time I asked myself that question. Even on Saturdays, I usually wake up to a list that is so long it would take superhuman powers to actually accomplish everything on it in a mere 24 hours. But on this beautiful, sunny, Saturday morning, there is no list waiting to be tackled.
Just the thought of a "No List Saturday" put a pep in my step as I strolled to the kitchen to make some breakfast. "Today is going to be wonderful," I thought to myself, as I began to think of the many activities I could fill my day with. I even popped an extra gummy vitamin into my mouth in the midst of my glee. After all, if it's fun to start each day with something that is "officially" healthy, but secretly just feels like candy, it's even better to begin a Saturday with more!
So now, I'm excited, I'm full of anticipation, I'm at 200% of my recommended daily vitamin intake, and I am so ready to commence my day.
Sigh.
Friday, March 14, 2014
Words
"A word is dead when it is said, some say. I say it just begins to live that day."
This powerful Emily Dickinson quotation begets both conviction and inspiration in my heart.
I am convicted when I realize that a daily running record of my words would not always prove that I agree with Emily Dickinson in this quote. Sometimes, I haphazardly speak in a way that suggests that I believe words can leave my lips and then simply dissipate into the surrounding air. I neglect to pause and consider the type of seeds I am planting in the minds of my listeners. I let raging emotions trump reason or kindness and foolishly assume that apologies will somehow retract the words I so thoughtlessly spoke into being. Sometimes, I fail to speak the words of love and affirmation others need.
If the above quotation is true, and I believe that it is, I'm dismayed to think of the type of life I have, at times, put into being as a result of my own carelessness.
At the same time, I am inspired when I imagine the beautiful bits of life I can put into the world when I choose my words intentionally. I can speak small seeds of truth, motivation, empowerment, and love to those around me. I am encouraged, knowing that although my words may sometimes seem to fall on deaf ears, they very well may be continuing to grow far beyond the day I first utter them. All of the "I know you can!"s, the "I believe in you!"s, the "You are so smart!"s, and the "I care about you!"s that seemed to be in vain may one day grow in the minds of students I interact with to such an extent that they will conquer the condescending giants that now rule their minds.
I aspire to live in constant awareness of the fact that, as Proverbs 18 says, "the tongue has the power of life and death"...and to use mine for life.
Thursday, March 13, 2014
"Dear Mom....10 Things Right Now"
As I've perused various SOL blogs recently, I have come across a series of "10 Things Right Now" posts, inspired by the previous creative work of Ali Edwards and Mandy Robek. Many of these have been tender thoughts written from mothers to their children. I contemplated writing my own "10 Things" post but abandoned the idea quickly after I realized that I didn't have a child to direct my sentiments toward. I felt like I didn't have anything to share. That is, until my mental light bulb illuminated and I had the idea to compose a "10 Things" post in reverse--from daughter to mother.
So, without further adieu: "Dear Mom...10 Things Right Now..."
10. I hear your voice come out of my own mouth almost daily. "It's happening...I'm turning into my mother!" Our culture often tells us that this is bad thing, something to be lamented. I am so fortunate to be able to sing these words with glee. "You are just like your mother" is the kind of compliment that could put a spring in my step for the rest of the day.
9. I wish we lived closer. Being 500 miles away is definitely better than being 6,600 miles apart, as we used to be, but it's still too far. As great as the cliche of "miles apart but close at heart" sounds, it really doesn't cut it when I just want to meet up and have a 2-hour lunch/gabfest with you. Have you made any progress on convincing Dad to move out here?
8. For some reason, when you look in the mirror, you see the emergence of wrinkles, bags, and sun spots. There must be something wrong with your mirror because when I look at you, I see nothing but beauty.
7. To this day, I will not...I cannot... shop for clothes with anyone besides you. Whenever I need a new outfit, I find myself aimlessly walking around Kohl's, wishing you were with me. I may have inherited your desire to be trendy but unfortunately I missed the chromosome that contains the ability to look at individual articles of clothing and put them together in a combination that "works." I need you with me when I shop. Don't even get me started on searching for jeans. There is not a single other person on the planet that I trust to honestly answer the question, "Do these pants make my hips look big?" Even if the answer has, on occasion, made me cry.
6. Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for loving me, encouraging me, inspiring me, disciplining me, coaching me, teaching me, and caring for me. Just, thanks.
5. You are not only my mom, but also my best girlfriend. I don't know how I ended up with such an amazing 2-for-1 deal, but God certainly blessed me with you. I love our mother/daughter friendship and the crazy, open, honest relationship we have with each other.
4. I think you are amazing for switching careers and for excelling in your new role! Few people would have had the guts to make such a "life change"...and even fewer would have been so successful. You are an incredible woman.
3. I hope that one day I will be the kind of mom to my child(ren) that you have been to me. Sometimes being a mom scares me because of how much responsibility comes with that title. How will I possibly care for someone like you cared (and care) for me? How will I just "know" when they are in trouble... or when they are hiding something? How will I exhibit the enduring patience that you have with me? How will I know exactly the right thing to say, as you always do? Will you teach me?
2. Growing up, I always thought that great marriages were the "norm" because that was what you and Dad modeled for us at home. I naively assumed that most kids grew up in a family similar to ours. It wasn't until I got out in the "real world" that I realized how atypical you and Dad really are. Thank you for modeling what a loving, committed, selfless, godly marriage looks like for me every day for the last 26+ years.
1. I love you.
So, without further adieu: "Dear Mom...10 Things Right Now..."
10. I hear your voice come out of my own mouth almost daily. "It's happening...I'm turning into my mother!" Our culture often tells us that this is bad thing, something to be lamented. I am so fortunate to be able to sing these words with glee. "You are just like your mother" is the kind of compliment that could put a spring in my step for the rest of the day.
9. I wish we lived closer. Being 500 miles away is definitely better than being 6,600 miles apart, as we used to be, but it's still too far. As great as the cliche of "miles apart but close at heart" sounds, it really doesn't cut it when I just want to meet up and have a 2-hour lunch/gabfest with you. Have you made any progress on convincing Dad to move out here?
8. For some reason, when you look in the mirror, you see the emergence of wrinkles, bags, and sun spots. There must be something wrong with your mirror because when I look at you, I see nothing but beauty.
7. To this day, I will not...I cannot... shop for clothes with anyone besides you. Whenever I need a new outfit, I find myself aimlessly walking around Kohl's, wishing you were with me. I may have inherited your desire to be trendy but unfortunately I missed the chromosome that contains the ability to look at individual articles of clothing and put them together in a combination that "works." I need you with me when I shop. Don't even get me started on searching for jeans. There is not a single other person on the planet that I trust to honestly answer the question, "Do these pants make my hips look big?" Even if the answer has, on occasion, made me cry.
6. Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for loving me, encouraging me, inspiring me, disciplining me, coaching me, teaching me, and caring for me. Just, thanks.
5. You are not only my mom, but also my best girlfriend. I don't know how I ended up with such an amazing 2-for-1 deal, but God certainly blessed me with you. I love our mother/daughter friendship and the crazy, open, honest relationship we have with each other.
4. I think you are amazing for switching careers and for excelling in your new role! Few people would have had the guts to make such a "life change"...and even fewer would have been so successful. You are an incredible woman.
3. I hope that one day I will be the kind of mom to my child(ren) that you have been to me. Sometimes being a mom scares me because of how much responsibility comes with that title. How will I possibly care for someone like you cared (and care) for me? How will I just "know" when they are in trouble... or when they are hiding something? How will I exhibit the enduring patience that you have with me? How will I know exactly the right thing to say, as you always do? Will you teach me?
2. Growing up, I always thought that great marriages were the "norm" because that was what you and Dad modeled for us at home. I naively assumed that most kids grew up in a family similar to ours. It wasn't until I got out in the "real world" that I realized how atypical you and Dad really are. Thank you for modeling what a loving, committed, selfless, godly marriage looks like for me every day for the last 26+ years.
1. I love you.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Thankful for a Schedule Change
I am the epitome of a creature of habit. For better or worse, I live of life of patterns and schedules. My mornings almost always start the same: I wake up, brew a pot of coffee, check my email, eat a half cup of oatmeal and 6 oz of yogurt for breakfast, and then spend time reading and praying. I then "primp" while I listen to music playing from my Kindle and before I leave for school, I grab my purse, my gym bag, and my lunch (all of which I packed and carefully laid out the night before) and head out the door. The habits that form my daily schedule are probably bordering on the line of a compulsion.
But tonight I am thankful to have a schedule change. A Wednesday night that is unlike any other.
Normally by this time on a Wednesday, I have rushed through a workout at the gym, scarfed down some dinner, and am on my way to help out at program my church hosts for primary school students. I love volunteering in that capacity. Although I am frequently exhausted on my drive there, I always leave with a happy heart. There's nothing quite like chatting with third graders, listening to them recite memory verses, or having some run up to you and treat you with a hug for no apparent reason. Without a doubt, my Wednesday nights are usually pretty great.
But tonight will be great in a different way. My munchkins are on "Spring Break," which means that tonight I'll get a little extra time with my best friend. I'll get to prepare a homemade dinner for us to eat....together....at the kitchen table! Tonight, I'll get to hear the full story of his day instead of the 10-minute "Reader's Digest" version I usually hear on Wednesdays. Tonight, I might even get to snuggle up and watch an episode of Person of Interest with him or curl up with a good book! Yes, tonight will be a welcomed upset to the normal patterns of my life.
But tonight I am thankful to have a schedule change. A Wednesday night that is unlike any other.
Normally by this time on a Wednesday, I have rushed through a workout at the gym, scarfed down some dinner, and am on my way to help out at program my church hosts for primary school students. I love volunteering in that capacity. Although I am frequently exhausted on my drive there, I always leave with a happy heart. There's nothing quite like chatting with third graders, listening to them recite memory verses, or having some run up to you and treat you with a hug for no apparent reason. Without a doubt, my Wednesday nights are usually pretty great.
But tonight will be great in a different way. My munchkins are on "Spring Break," which means that tonight I'll get a little extra time with my best friend. I'll get to prepare a homemade dinner for us to eat....together....at the kitchen table! Tonight, I'll get to hear the full story of his day instead of the 10-minute "Reader's Digest" version I usually hear on Wednesdays. Tonight, I might even get to snuggle up and watch an episode of Person of Interest with him or curl up with a good book! Yes, tonight will be a welcomed upset to the normal patterns of my life.
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